Challenge
by The Girly Man
Summary: A whole slew of challenge fics. Dedicated to Dukoro for giving me my first challenge. XD
1. Eat Away the Pain

**This is for Dukoro-chan, who gave me my first challenge fic idea! I love challenge fics now, so you can send them to me if you want! If I get enough ideas, maybe I'll be like Dukoro-chan and make a whole story of challenge one-shots! YAY!**

_**Brenna-san:**_

**_Write a story about Yuki and have him say "I really need a breast reduction" at least twice. Also base the story in a nursing home.

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**Eat Away the Pain**

It was a fabulous day in Japan for absolutely everyone, even Akito, all except for Yuki Sohma. He was being his angsty self, AS USUAL, and was angsting all alone in his dark room. Kyo was happily lying on the roof, Tohru was happily cleaning stuff at work, and Shigure was happily procrastinating the finish of his latest chapter. But Yuki, as you read before, was angsting all alone in his dark room.

"ANGST!" Yuki hollered as a tear rolled down his emo face. "Oh for the love of angst, I'm gonna eat fried foods, dammit!"

He angsted down the stairs angstily and plopped himself down in a conveniently placed chair that was conveniently right next to the kitchen table. It just so CONVENIENTLY happens that Tohru was in the middle of one of her Fried Food Fetishes, so the table was piled high with KFC, French fries, onion rings, chicken nuggets, cheese sticks, fried zucchini, fried mushrooms, and various other delicious fried items! They were all DEEP FRIED, which means they were greasy and fattening! Using the power of fiction, Yuki gained twenty pounds IN ONE SITTING!

"I'M STILL HUNGRY!" Yuki screamed, because he was still hungry. After this declaration, Yuki settled to eat the refrigerator and everything inside it, all of the kitchen cabinets that held the non-perishable items that were hiding in there, and finally, everything in the kitchen! He would've eaten the floor tiles, but he couldn't get them up.

"Uhh…" Yuki uhh-ed. He was now a grand total of 416 pounds and could no longer move! "Man, I really need a breast reduction," he moaned as he looked down at his newly fat self. He passed out as soon as he said that.

"OH NO! YUKI'S FAT AND DEAD!" Shigure yelled a few minutes later as he sauntered into what used to be the kitchen. Immediately, he decided to take Yuki to the nursing home which he accidentally confused for a hospital.

"HELP!" He yelled once he entered the lobby. "SOMEBODY HELP MY SON! HE'S FAT AND DEAD!"

I don't know why Shigure thought Yuki was his son, so let it just be our little secret.

"Don't worry, I'll save him!" Random Old Guy yelled. He was quite random, he was old, and sometimes he was a guy.

Random Old Guy JUST SO HAPPENED to be a doctor when he was a youngling, so he was quick to perform gastric bypass surgery on young Yuki. Random Old Guy was a really good surgery guy, so the baby was born in no time. Just kidding! Yuki's FAT, not PREGNANT, remember? Random Old Guy was a really good doctor, so Yuki's fat was feeding poor Chinese children in no time!

"Oh thank you, Random Old Guy-san!" Yuki shrieked once he was awake.

"Don't mention it," ROG answered. Then ROG died because he was old. Poor guy. At least he did a good deed before he died.

Yuki and Shigure happily pranced home, when Yuki noticed something… DIFFERENT. His chest started hurting while he was prancing around! He looked down and noticed that ROG had forgotten to take the excess fat off of his breasts!

"Shigure, why didn't you tell me my breasts were large?"

"Because they were fun to look at," Shigure cackled, and ran off.

Oh no, Yuki! What are you going to do?

"KYO!" Yuki cried, climbing up the ladder onto the roof with everyone's least favorite cat.

"Whoa, Yuki. You got some chest issues there," Kyo pointed out, not able to take his eyes off of that spot.

"I KNOW! I need you to pull them off, Kyo," Yuki decided.

"Okay," Kyo was too stupid to realize they were standing on the roof.

Yuki took his shirt off and Kyo grabbed hold of him. After that, Yuki jumped off of the roof, but the stupid breasts just wouldn't come off!

"Yuki, you have moobs," Kyo laughed, letting go so Yuki was sent crashing to the ground.

"I really need a breast reduction…" Yuki sighed for the second time. What he didn't know was that the neighbors were watching Kyo throw him off of the roof by the breasts and thought Kyo a woman abuser! They all called the police, and eventually Kyo was arrested. Dukoro-chan bailed him out, though, and as a reward, she got to be in this story AND she got to keep Kyo!

Yuki went inside the house and he still wasn't wearing a shirt, so Tohru cried and cowered in fear and jealousy because Yuki's boobs were much larger than hers. Yuki began crying too, because his chest hurt very badly from being thrown off of the roof.

"I know!" Yuki said to himself. "I'll wake up and realize that this was all a dream!"

Yuki forced himself to go to sleep, and when he awoke…

HIS MOOBS WERE EVEN BIGGER THAN THE DAY BEFORE!

Giving up on life, Yuki decided he should be proportionate and ate a whole ton more of fried foods. His is now known as King Yuki, because he is fat, and if you don't call him that, he will eat you.

"Man, I really need a breast reduction…" Yuki sighed once he was proportionate again. Then he slept on the kitchen floor.

"OH NO! YUKI'S FAT AND DEAD!" Shigure yelled, and took his son to the nursing home. Random Old Guy was dead and nobody else knew how to perform gastric bypass surgery, so Yuki was destined to die.

His last words were…

"Man, I really need a breast reduction."

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**Take that, Dukoro-chan! Yuki said the sentence FOUR times! **

**This story was going to be longer, but I'm hungry (OH NO!) and out of ideas for Yuki and his large man boobs. (That's what moob means if you were confused at that part)**


	2. High Heels Are Made for CPRing

**Hey! Remember this story? I don't!**

**I got a PM from yukislilgirl that said:**

_I have a challenge fic for you. make yuki fall in love with a girl and have her do cpr on him with her feet. Make her do it in high heels. Also base the story in yukis school_

**Since it was a challenge, I decided I HAD to do it! Even though I have no idea what that means! Just because my writer's block just went away yesterday! –COUGH I WROTE TWO ONE-SHOTS YESTERDAY COUGH-**

**So that means I've decided to continue these challenge stories! So yes, I will fit in yours from last July, Mayuko-Chan! All five of them! I swear!**

**I pwn The Cucumber Lady. XD

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**High Heels are Made for CPR-ing**

Once upon a time there was a fictional school in Japan that everyone non-fictional wished they went to because multiple adorable Sohmas go to it. YES. I am speaking of course, of KAIBARA HIGH!

Well one day, Debbie, The (magical) Cucumber Lady, decided she was gonna go to Kaibara high whether it was possible or not!

On a side note, I just threw up in my mouth! Not at the thought of Debbie or writing fanfiction… I don't know why! Some vomit just came up and I had to swallow it because otherwise I'd have to walk ALL the way to the bathroom and spit it out, which is like TWENTY FEET AWAY. NOOOOO!

So Debbie opened up her favorite Furuba volume she had recently stolen from the leprechaun across the street and jumped on it a few times until she was inside.

"Oh my Gerard, I just magically transported into a BOOK! Why doesn't everyone do that?" she asked herself as she began walking in her new spiffy Kaibara High school uniform to none other than Kaibara high.

Suddenly, Debbie's world seemed to STOP. YES. SHE HAD JUST SEEN…

PRINCE YUKI!

She immediately began to obsess over him, though I'm pretty sure she likes Kyo better.

Though as if it were Gerard Way, she began to follow Prince Yuki Sohma around the whole school.

After about twenty minutes, Yuki realized he was being followed! WEIRD! He turned around but embarrassed, Debbie hid behind a conveniently placed cactus. Yuki shook his head and continued walking, only to have this process repeat itself about 4.78 more times. Those times were different though, because Debbie had to hide behind a chalkboard, a moving vehicle, Sonny Moore, and a fish taco.

Debbie just couldn't get over how beautiful Prince Yuki was in person! She had to confess her love to him, but she knew his family secret and that she couldn't hug him!

"Damn!" Debbie hollered, and—DUN DUN DUNNNN—Yuki heard her!

"Who's there?" he asked, turning around faster this time. Debbie quickly tried to hide behind a broken Dresden Dolls CD, but Yuki had already spotted her.

Yuki's eyes immediately widened at the sight of beautiful Debbie, and decided that he was in love with this non-fictional person!

"What's your name?" Yuki asked her as—WHY IS MY DAD WATCHING _BRING IT ON?_

"Uhh… D…D…D…" Debbie stuttered. She had forgotten her own name!

"Dee? That's a nice name," Yuki smiled, before Hatsuharu came running at him from nowhere.

"YUKI! QUICK! EAT THIS!" Haru yelled, shoving a lemon poppy seed muffin at Debbie's love. Haru didn't politely wait for Yuki to take the muffin and quietly eat little tiny bites of it like the little rat he is. No! He shoved it straight in his mouth and ran off. Where did he run? Probably to go find RIN because that's all Haru EVER does in my stories.

"MMPH! MMPHHHH!" Yuki choked as his face turned from white to red to blue to purple to mauve to black to purple again.

"Oh no! Yuki Sohma is dying!" Debbie cried, and—had they been around—Yuki's fanclub would have saved him, but the hallway was completely empty now that Haru was making out with—I mean, _hanging_ out with Rin!

Debbie had no choice! She had to perform…

**Cardiopulmonary resuscitation!**

(CPR.)

Thank you, Wikipedia!

Debbie could think of only one thing to do.

Wait, I already said that!

Debbie bust out her high heels and began putting them on. Too bad Debbie would probably never ever ever where high heels ever, even if it was to save fictional Yuki Sohma's life!

WHY IS MY DAD WATCHING AIDEN MUSIC VIDEOS?

Debbie began jumping on Yuki's incredibly small stomach, which made holes in his skin and blood gush out, but allowed him to get that nasty muffin out of his mouth and survive.

"Oh my gosh, you saved my life!" Yuki hollered. He had muffin dripping out of his mouth and it was so gross that Debbie decided she didn't like him anymore.

"Ewww," Debbie eww-ed and ran away before nasty Yuki and his smelly lemon poppy seed self could thank her anymore.

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**That was really lame.**

**I promise…the other ones will be better.**

**And since I'm busy working on—**

**Oh my gosh I almost told you the name of the fanfiction I'm supposed to update soon on my secret name! Haha. I shall never tell you that I secretly write fanfictions on the name...**

**HAHA. PSYCH. I HAD YOU GOING.**

**Since I'm working on posting more of the fanfiction I have on my secret name, typing out a few one-shots, finishing Ichirin no Hana, and completing my My Chemical Romance fic on ficwad, I'm gonna try to do one challenge fic every Sunday.**

**So… what are you waiting for?**

**CHALLENGE MEH!**


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